


Future

by SaltyCaramel_mm



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Childhood Friends, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:21:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29210286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaltyCaramel_mm/pseuds/SaltyCaramel_mm
Summary: Living with doubts about what she wanted, Seulgi didn't know she had to hold on to what she longed for so long.And whether she has to give up or get back on their feet, Joohyun didn't know she didn't have to be alone anymore.A story based on the trailer of the movie Double Patty.
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Kang Seulgi
Comments: 5
Kudos: 42





	1. Chapter 1 (Seulgi)

**1.**

It was somewhere between spring and winter when they first met.

Living in such a small town in Busan, it was no surprise she met her when she was a kid.

And it’s no surprise she saw Bae Joohyun at a playground of all places.

Having free time after finally finishing the book her mother made her read, Seulgi had begged Sooyoung, her older sister, to take her to the playground too because she was tired of playing with the same teddy bear.

Her mother giving some snack money sure helped Sooyoung be in a good enough mood to take her to the playground near home. And Seulgi still remembered how sticky Sooyoung’s hand holding hers was because of the ice cream that had melted along the way.

There were few kids running around the slides, two girls giggling on the swings, a boy and a girl riding the seesaw. And it seemed like they all knew Sooyoung because they all greeted her so loudly Seulgi flinched - almost putting her thumb in her mouth which her mother always scolded her for.

“Sooyoung! Let’s play tag!”

“No tag is boring! Let’s play freeze tag!”

“Hide and seek!”

“No let’s play green light red light!”

Not being able to handle such intense controversy, Seulgi didn’t follow her sister who soon joined the dispute.

She wasn't in a mood to play games anyway.

Seulgi looked around again, noticing the girls on the swings who were trying to join her sister’s group. Maybe she could play alone on the swings? She did want to try riding the swing while standing up.

Not completely sure with her decision, she moved her gaze toward the sandpit wondering if there may be toys of dishes and fake vegetables and fruits she always wanted.

But what caught her eyes first was not the toys, but a girl sitting alone.

Unlike the rowdy group of her sister’s friends, the girl seemed to quite enjoy being alone. Just like Seulgi herself.

But of course, playing alone had its limits. And there was this unexplainable feeling that she might regret it if she didn’t at least say hi to the girl.

Balling her hands into fists(because she always sucked her thumb when she was nervous), Seulgi marched toward the girl. Even as her sneakers made squeaking sounds as she approached, the girl didn’t seem even a bit interested.

That only made Seulgi more jittery because she had to think of a way to greet her.

Just saying hi seemed too.. Rude.

And it didn’t help that the girl looked exactly like one of those princesses in the books her mother always read to her before going to bed.

So Seulgi ended up spending five minutes walking around the sandpit, stealing glances as the girl tried to make a toad house.

The girl started to hum as she started to pile the sand on her right hand. It made Seulgi wonder how her voice would be if she said hello back.

That unexplainable feeling came back at that moment. It stirred something inside and all those nervous jittery butterflies in her stomach fluttered wildly, and Seulgi found herself opening her mouth before she could think while the girl smiled in triumph as she looked at her perfect round toad house with her hand underneath the pile of sand.

“H- Hi!”

The girl jolted in surprise as if she didn’t expect company even the slightest bit. And Seulgi gulped when she saw the girl frown down at her toad house that formed cracks because of the sudden movement.

“I’m so sorry!” Seulgi squeaked, kneeling down next to her immediately as she frantically tried to put the sand altogether using her tiny hands.

“I didn’t mean to!”

But the girl didn’t seem to buy it. She swatted her hands away and Seulgi was ready to cry but had to hold back when she heard her sister’s sonorous voice calling her.

“SEULGI! IT’S TIME TO GO HOME!”

She never felt more glad to hear her sister’s voice.

Seulgi hastily stood up and she could feel her lips trembling as she said once again :

“I’m so sorry..”

And left without a goodbye but only regret weighing down on her shoulders.

Seulgi didn’t go to the playground for over a week since that day.

And that was long enough for her mother to start asking her to go out. So she always had to think of a reasonable excuse.

_ “I think I have a fever.” _

_ “My stomach hurts.” _

_ “But then Mr. Teddy will be alone!” _

All that seemed to work until her mother had to leave in a hurry, leaving Sooyoung in charge of her which was a bad decision.

“I want to go to the playground!” Sooyoung announced even though Seulgi did her best to persuade her to stay home with her teddy and her best toys.

“Then you go, I’ll stay here. I won’t do anything bad I promise!”

But her sister shook her head, folding her arms just like their dad did when he was either mad about something or determined.

“No. Mom will be mad if she comes back and sees you all alone! You have to come with me.”

“But I don’t wanna go!” Seulgi whined as the weight of dread that seemed to disappear started to get heavier again.

“Tough luck! You’re going.”

After that, there was a lot of chasing around.

It started with Sooyoung trying to catch her to put her jacket on and it ended with Seulgi lying on the floor, her last attempt of resistance as Joy dragged her toward the front door while holding her legs.

“I- thought- you- like- going- outside!” Sooyoung grunted each word on each pull.

“I changed my mind!”

“Come on, Seulgi. I’ll let you play with us this time!”

“No!” Seulgi wiggled her feet as her sister tried to make her put on her shoes. “I don’t wanna!”

But Sooyoung always got her way thanks to being taller than most girls in her class.

And Seulgi hated it.

She purposely walked slowly on their way, hoping the girl won’t be there when they arrive at the playground.

She even clasped her hands as she made her wish to anyone who could grant her wish: God, Santa Claus, even the Power Rangers.

But she ended up thinking maybe she wasn’t such a good girl because the first thing she saw was the girl sitting at the sandpit.

“Seulgi! Are you coming?”

Curse her sister and her annoyingly loud voice. Everyone in the playground seemed to have heard her and Sooyoung, standing a few feet away from her trying her best to hide behind a tree, waited for her to answer.

Seulgi never wanted more to turn back the time when even the girl looked at her.

Having the urge to cry again, she only shook her head and Sooyoung shrugged, saying she could come to play with them if she wanted and Seulgi just nodded in answer.

She couldn’t help but glance at the girl again who was alone making a toad house just like the day when they first met.

The last thing she wanted was to approach her and upset her again. So Seulgi just stood there, staring down at the ground until she could hear her sister’s loud voice calling her again.

But instead, she heard a high-pitched cry shouting :

“No! Go away!”

She turned around and saw two boys, who she’d seen play tag with Sooyoung from time to time, standing in front of the girl.

“Joohyun is making a toad house!” One of the boys said with a sneer. “Because she’s a toad!”

“I’m not!” The girl, Joohyun, exclaimed. “I’m not a toad!”

“Joohyun’s a toad!” The other boy played along, making up a classic teasing song as he pointed at Joohyun’s toad house. “Joohyun’s a toad!”

“Stop it!”

Seulgi bit her lip. Her mother always told her to never get in a fight, but rather talk first and let the other apologize first if they didn’t mean to hurt her.

But then again, her father told her to fight back if someone ever tried to hurt her or her friends. That’s what Sooyoung always did when the boys made fun of her.

But can she do it? Sooyoung was taller than any of the kids but not her. She was actually on the smaller side.

Seulgi quickly looked around to call out for her sister but Sooyoung was too far away, she wasn’t sure if her sister would hear her.

Maybe she should ask for an adult to help them?

Her thoughts stopped as soon as she saw the boys stomping on Joohyun’s toad house.

“Stop!” Joohyun shouted, almost on the verge of tears and Seulgi didn’t wait any longer to charge toward them.

Using all her might(and the milk she drank in the morning), she pushed one of the boys wearing a cap. He fell down with a surprised grunt, collapsing on the sand and clouds of dust flew everywhere making the other boy cough.

“Hey! Why did you do that!”

“Go away you bullies!” Seulgi shouted as she tried to push the other boy away but this time, the boy grabbed her arms and pushed her instead.

Seulgi fell on her butt on the sand and the boy wearing the cap sat on her legs, pulling her hair to get his revenge.

Seulgi bit his hand and he let go of her ponytail with a scream. When the other boy tried to do something about it, he tripped.

“Are you okay?”

Joohyun, who had just made the boy trip by grabbing his ankle, asked and Seulgi only nodded, still lying on the sand dumbfounded.

“You two are witches! Meanies!” The cap boy said angrily, still rubbing his injured hand.

“What did you just call my sister?”

The two boys froze, recognizing the voice, and slowly turned to see Sooyoung, her arms folded and Seulgi could tell she was mad this time.

“Sooyoung! She- Your sister bit my hand and-”

“And you pulled her hair.” Sooyoung interrupted with a glare. “I braided her hair today but thanks to you two, it’s ruined. I’m going to tell our mom-”

“We’re sorry!” The other boy quickly apologized. “Please don’t tell your mom..”

Sooyoung stared at them for three long seconds. And Seulgi glanced at Joohyun who was also staring back at her.

She didn’t seem to have gotten hurt. That was a relief.

“Then scram, you jerks.”

The boys ran away as fast as their short little legs could carry them and Sooyoung helped Seulgi stand up.

“Why did you fight them? We’re gonna get in big trouble you know.”

Seulgi opened her mouth to explain but a quiet voice beat her to it.

“It wasn’t her fault.”

Joohyun, who was still sitting on the sand, said with a nervous look on her face.

“She was trying to help me. They were bullying me and she helped me stop them.”

Sooyoung stopped dusting off the sand on Seulgi’s skirt and turned to Joohyun as if she’d just noticed her presence.

“Are you my sister’s friend?”

The two girls shared eye contact and when Joohyun slowly nodded Seulgi could feel her heart racing and blood rushing to her cheeks; feeling jittery all over again.

Sooyoung, who was often concerned about her younger sister’s shyness, shrugged though inside she felt relieved.

“Then you’re now my friend too. What’s your name? I’m Kang Sooyoung.”

The girl sat up then almost lost her balance and Seulgi caught her arm just in time.

Seulgi didn’t know why that ended up as them holding hands but she didn’t have any complaints.

“I’m Bae Joohyun.” She said, her voice quiet due to shyness.

“Do you want to make a toad house with me?”

It didn’t take long for them to get close after that.

Seulgi always went to the playground with her sister and stayed at the sandpit all day until the sun started to set.

And whenever she held up her arm, waving it to call Joohyun’s name and say hi, Joohyun always looked up and smiled at her as she shyly waved back. That was honestly the best part of her day even though Seulgi never admitted it out loud.

Seulgi was actually ready to even let Joohyun borrow her favorite teddy bear around the time when the playground was covered with cherry blossom petals.

“Why do you always make toad houses, unnie?” She asked Joohyun one day(who turned out to be 3 years older than her, the same age as Sooyoung who was currently busy running around shouting).

Joohyun patted the toad house without a word and Seulgi frowned, wondering if she didn’t hear her because of the kids running around trying to catch the flying cherry blossom petals.

“Unnie?”

“..I make toad houses because the song says the toad will give us a new house if we give them an old one.”

_ Toad, toad I’ll give you an old house give me a new house. _ That’s the song she learned in kindergarten during music class so Seulgi nodded slowly, but still a little puzzled.

“Why do you need a new house?”

Joohyun didn’t answer for a while again. And she slowly pulled out her hand under the sand pile, making just enough space for some small creature to crawl inside the toad house.

“Because maybe then my sister will come back.”

Seulgi stopped staring at the clouds and quickly moved her gaze to the girl crouched next to her.

“..Where is she now?”

Joohyun shrugged, looking down at her toad house which will probably become mere sand the next day as always.

“Dad told me she’s now living with fairies and princesses.”

Seulgi nodded, understanding it must be hard for Joohyun's sister to leave a world with fairies and princesses.

“I hope she comes back.”

Joohyun folded her arms then thoughtfully propped her chin on them.

“Me too. She even pinky promised me.” She turned her head sideways and Seulgi noticed her eyes glimmering with tears. Or was it just her Seulgi didn’t know because she felt like crying too.

“She'll come back, right?” Joohyun seemed desperate to believe that and Seulgi didn’t know what to say other than yes.

“She will.” Seulgi finally answered. “And I’ll wait for her with you.”

That seemed to help Joohyun feel a little better.

“Pinky promise?” She held out her pinky with a watery smile. And Seulgi firmly locked her pinky around hers.

“Pinky promise.”

Maybe that was the day when they became best friends.

Even though they went to the same elementary school, it was hard to see Joohyun at school because she was three grades above her.

But Seulgi didn’t mind because they went to the same academies after school.

She had begged her mother to let her go to the piano academy where Joohyun took lessons. So as a result, she got to spend more time with Joohyun three times a week.

But it turned to five times a week when Joohyun had also begged her father to go to the same art academy as her.

_ “I actually don’t know how to draw.” _ Joohyun had shyly admitted on the swings.

_ “That’s okay!” _ Seulgi had excitedly said.  _ “I can teach you! Teacher told me I’m good at drawing!” _

If only she’d had known that would be a disaster.

"Seulgi?" Their teacher called her name with a frown on her face. "Why did you draw a girl?"

Their drawing topic for today was 'Your Favorite Animal' so their teacher, of course, expected to see a cat or a dog, or even an alligator like all the other kids.

"It's not just a girl," Seulgi said firmly. "It's Joohyun!"

That made all the kids in their class laugh and Joohyun, who was peacefully drawing a flower(their teacher made her an exception because she was terrified of animals), looked at her in surprise.

"Seulgi," Their teacher said crossly. "You shouldn't tease your friend that way."

"But I'm not teasing!" Seulgi protested. But soon lowered down her drawing slowly realizing something was wrong. "I.. I drew Joohyun because she looks like a bunny!"

The boys snickered as they pointed at Joohyun chanting "Bunny, bunny, dumb bunny!"

Joohyun, who was clearly upset, didn’t talk to or even looked at Seulgi until the lesson ended.

It was her second time seeing Joohyun this upset and Seulgi didn’t have the heart to wish the boys would tease her again so that she could help her just like the first time.

After the lesson was over, Joohyun didn’t even wait for her and stomped out of the academy leaving Seulgi more helpless than ever.

Despite her fear, she managed to follow Joohyun while sweating like melting ice cream.

She watched Joohyun crouch in front of the sunflowers in their neighbor’s garden but Seulgi didn’t approach just yet. Still, her heart sank when she noticed how Joohyun’s shoulders were shaking.

She needed to find a way to cheer Joohyun up. Fast.

Maybe Joohyun’s favorite strawberry smoothie at the nearby snack stand will help? Or a yogurt ice cream at the supermarket?

Seulgi dug her hands in her pockets but there was not even a single coin. Sooyoung must have taken them in the morning while she was sleeping.

Seulgi sighed, cursing her older sister for stealing her pocket money in such bad timing.

But in the end, she knew what she had to do.

“Baechu unnie?”

Joohyun’s sobs muffled a little, her head still hanging low as Seulgi walked toward her.

“Go away.” She croaked with a stuffy nose. “I want to be alone.”

“I’m sorry I made you cry, unnie.”

Joohyun didn’t answer as Seulgi crouched next to her, concern filling her features.

“I promise I’ll teach them a lesson with my water gun tomorrow. I’ll ask Sooyoung unnie to help! We’ll shoot them like power rangers!”

Still no answer.

“I didn’t mean to make fun of you unnie.” Seulgi said quietly. “I’m really, really sorry. I’m ten times- no, a hundred times sorry.”

Seulgi pursed her lips, not sure what to say next, and sighed in relief moments after Joohyun finally decided to look at her.

Her eyes were a bit red because of all the crying and the tear stain on her cheeks bothered Seulgi a lot. It made her regret for drawing Joohyun instead of a stupid bunny all over again.

“Why do I always let them tease me?” Joohyun rubbed her eyes. “They never tease Sooyoung. And when they tease you, you always fight back.”

“And then I get into trouble for it.”

“Still, I wish I can at least fight back. Mom said all boys are like that and I hate it. And the girls won’t even talk to me because I’m too quiet.”

“That’s not true!”

“Oh yeah? You are always busy playing with them and sometimes you don’t even talk to me that much.”

“I-” Seulgi bit her bottom lip with guilt. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s my fault,” Joohyun said miserably. “I’m too quiet for them.”

“But I like you.” Seulgi then blushed, realizing how odd that sounded. “As a friend, I mean.”

Joohyun didn’t even seem to notice the flustered girl as she sighed.

“Well, thank god for that.”

“Maybe you can say hi next time to them first?” Seulgi suggested. “Seungwan told me that she wanted to be your friend yesterday. So maybe you two can be friends? She’s really nice. She can even bake cookies!”

And she felt an odd tingle when Joohyun finally smiled.

“That sounds like a good plan.”

“Okay.” Seulgi giggled. “It’ll be fun if we can play together. And maybe we can make more toad houses since we have like..” She quickly counted the numbers using her small fingers.

“Six hands! We can make the whole sandpit filled with toad houses!”

That seemed to help Joohyun feel better as she giggled along.

“That would be fun.”

“I’m sure it will be!” Seulgi assured her with her eyes half-open because of the sunlight getting stronger.

“Come here.” Joohyun pulled her closer so that she could stay at the spot where the huge sunflowers blocked the sun.

Seulgi was used to sitting beside Joohyun at an intimate distance but staring at her face this close still made her feel giddy.

"Sunflowers are so tall." Seulgi marveled, choosing to stare up at the sunflower which was almost two times taller than her. "I wish I could grow taller."

"Maybe you can," Joohyun said. "Sunflowers grow when they look at the sun so maybe we'll grow if we do the same."

"You're right!" Seulgi exclaimed and immediately turned toward the sun just like the sunflowers. "How long do you think we'll have to wait?"

"A hundred seconds." For them, a hundred was the biggest number they could muster.

"One... Two..." Seulgi muttered under her breath.

Joohyun had waited until she finally reached a hundred. And by the time she did, the sky was purple and orange all over.

To Seulgi, that was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.

Even though Joohyun had gone to middle school while she stayed in elementary school, they never grew apart.

Or at least, that’s what Seulgi thought.

“Joohyun unnie!”

Seulgi called out as loud as she could, running toward the elementary school’s front gate where Joohyun was waiting for her.

Maybe it was because of the yellow uniform Joohyun was wearing, but it somehow felt more evident that their age gap was not small.

And Seulgi wasn’t so sure what to feel about that.

“How long have you been waiting?” Joohyun asked and Seulgi shook her head. “Not that long. I played soccer with some boys and I was just taking a break.”

“You don’t always have to wait for me.” Joohyun said with a small frown when she noticed beads of sweat on the younger’s forehead.

“It’s fine. Besides going home together seems to be the only way we can spend time together.”

“But we’re neighbors, and we see each other after we have dinner.”

“Well, it’s good if we can see each other in the afternoon too, right?”

Joohyun sighed, accepting defeat.

“I guess so.”

“Oh, and guess what our class got today?” Seulgi rummaged her backpack which was slung on one shoulder and pulled out a burger in paper wrapping and a can of coke.

“Our class president’s mom gave these to us today! I wanted to share it with you so I didn’t eat them this whole time!”

Seulgi beamed, obviously gloating like a dog waiting to be petted.

“That’s very thoughtful of you. Thank you, Seulgi.”

Seulgi, feeling more pleased, looked down at the food and Joohyun noticed the younger girl smacking her lips and her eyes twinkling.

“Shall we share them now?” Joohyun suggested and the younger seemed more than happy to oblige, nodding eagerly.

They sat on the bench right next to the playground, underneath the maple tree. And as Joohyun split the burger in half, Seulgi couldn't keep her mouth shut while marveling how the maple tree leaves blushing red rustled along with the autumn breeze.

“It’s your graduation soon, right?” Joohyun asked as she took a sip of coke. “Did you decide which middle school you want to go to?”

“Not really,” Seulgi replied, trying to catch the falling leaves but the crimson leaf seemed to leave her grasp with a teasing twirl. “You?”

“..Me neither.”

Noticing the doubt in her tone, Seulgi stopped herself from reaching out for another leaf.

“Are you okay?”

“Of course I am. What makes you think I’m not?”

“I don’t know. You look a little.. Tense.”

“I-” Joohyun bit her bottom lip, looking a little - no, quite anxious.

“I have something to tell you.”

That agitated the younger enough to stop chewing. She swallowed uneasily and put down the burger.

“What is it? Are you moving? Did you have a boyfriend? Or did Sooyoung bribe you to make me do something?”

Unlike the agitated girl, Joohyun seemed to be very amused as she let out a giggle leaving Seulgi puzzled as ever.

“No, no, never and what?”

The younger shrugged. “It could be a possibility.”

“Sooyoung always did complain that you listen to me more.”

“She should know by now I will if she’s nice to me as much as you are.”

“I guess all sisters are like that.”

“Well, even our mom calls you daughter so..”

“But we’re different.” Joohyun hesitated before quickly adding; “I mean, we’re best friends first, right?”

Seulgi’s frown only grew bigger at that.

“Unnie, what’s wrong?”

“..I didn’t tell anyone this yet.” The older said, taking a deep breath. “But I wanted to tell you this first because you really are my best friend.”

Even though this was one of the few times Joohyun said those kinds of words(being a more show-not-tell kind of person), it only made Seulgi feel more anxious.

“I decided to go to a private high school in another area.”

Seulgi almost dropped the can which could have resulted in a sticky mess but not as messy as her thoughts.

“You’re going to where?”

“Private high school!” Joohyun said and this time, a little excitedly. “Isn’t that amazing? Me, going to one of the elite schools here!”

“But.. But it’s not here.” Seulgi feebly protested. “Isn’t it too far away from home?”

“I might have to stay at the school dorm,” Joohyun admitted nervously.

“Wha- What kind of school has a dorm?”

“I know right?” Joohyun said and giggled a little. “I.. I wasn’t sure if my dad would let me because the tuition fee is so expensive but he said yes!”

It didn’t take long for Joohyun to notice the troubled look on Seulgi’s face. To her, Seulgi was always an open book after all.

“Hey, I’m still going to come home on weekends. We can always hang out then right?”

“..Yeah.” Seulgi forced a smile - swallowing the words  _ ‘But it’s going to be different’  _ deep in her throat before they slip out of her mouth. “Sure.”

There was an awkward silence between them and that hardly ever happened. That terrified Seulgi more than anything. She could feel the distance between them already showing.

“We still have time before the graduation.” Joohyun slowly started. “So maybe we can go somewhere? Together?”

Seulgi finally met her eyes. “Really?”

“Yeah, why not?” Joohyun leaned toward the excited girl. “I’m sure my dad would let us. Maybe Sooyoung can come too. Where do you wanna go?”

“Pohang!” Seulgi answered almost immediately. “I want to go see the Pohang beach!”

The older seemed quite surprised by the answer. “The beach? Seulgi we’re literally surrounded by the beach here.”

“But I’m curious how different Pohang beach will look compared to here.” The girl explained and clasped her hands tight. “Please?”

Joohyun smiled a little. Seulgi could sometimes be a little enthusiastic about things. She wondered if Seulgi knew she could never say no to that face.

“Okay. I’ll ask dad if we can go.”

“Yay!” Seulgi clapped with glee, almost forgetting about the reason why this plan started.

“Now finish your burger. Or I’m gonna eat it for you.” Joohyun said playfully and Seulgi took a quick bite, her puffed out cheeks causing the older to laugh.

And the maple trees seem to laugh along as more tinged autumnal leaves danced around them.

All seemed to be going well. But when something started to change anything could always go wrong.

“What? What do you mean we can’t go?”

_ “I’m so sorry Seulgi.. My dad just got his knee surgery and I.. I have to study as much as I can before this semester starts.” _

“But you have like.. A month to prepare.”

_ “I thought that was enough but.. After the aptitude exam a few days ago I realized it isn’t. I’m so, so sorry Seulgi. But I don’t want to let my dad down when the whole reason he got his knee injured is that he works twice as much because of the tuition fee.” _

“So you choose to let me down instead?”

_ “That’s not what I meant. Please, Seulgi let me make it up to you. How about we go to that burger place that just opened, hm? Maybe we can-” _

“No!” Seulgi found herself feeling more upset than she was supposed to be. “I’m not going to let you make any promises you can break!”

_ “Seulgi-” _

The upset girl ended the call and threw herself on the bed. Then she buried her face deep in the pillow sheet so that she could scream in frustration and then cry until no voice came out.

She took a few deep breaths before looking up. It took her a while to calm herself down and she wondered if this was what her mother called ‘puberty’.

“I wanted to show her my uniform..” Seulgi mumbled to herself, looking at the familiar yellow uniform hung on the hanger.

She didn’t realize she fell asleep and when she opened her eyes, her room was dark.

Seulgi groggily sat up, still only half-awake as she rubbed her eyes in a daze.

She flinched in surprise at the knock on the door and as always, Sooyoung opened the door without more warning.

“You’re finally awake! The bear has finally woken up from her hibernation!”

“I’m not in the mood, unnie.” Seulgi grumbled, staying put.

“Well, so is Joohyun who has been waiting for you for over an hour.”

“What?” Seulgi immediately lowered the blanket that was covering her face a moment ago. “She’s here?”

“Not here but on the stairs,” Sooyoung said with a shrug. “I told her she could wait at our house but she said she couldn't because you were very mad at her.”

“The stairs? Outside?”

Her sister nodded and Seulgi bolted out of the door, forgetting the fact that she wasn’t wearing anything but her training pants and a shirt in the middle of winter. She only managed to grab a plaid shirt nestled on the couch as she hurried to the front door and practically shoved her feet in her sneakers.

Her sneakers pounding against the ground were as loud as the front door closing down with a heavy slam behind her and Seulgi almost felt like she was flying as she hurried down the stairs.

It was dark enough for the streetlights to shine down vibrant orange and yellow hue. But Joohyun was always eye-catching that Seulgi could find her miles away as if she was magnetized

She didn’t take a moment to breathe even when she spotted a familiar figure seated on the bottom of the stairs.

“Why are you here all alone?”

Joohyun was still wearing her backpack which meant she must have been sitting there after her academy lessons ended. And that also meant she’d been waiting there for at least one and a half hours.

“You came.” Joohyun let out a relieved sigh and then a smile. 

And Seulgi looked down at her, exasperated as she exclaimed :

“Of course I did! Why did you wait out here? It’s freezing!”

“I thought you were mad at me.”

“That didn’t mean I wanted you to freeze to death!”

“You hardly ever get upset. And this was the first time you got upset because I did something wrong so..” Joohyun pursed her lips in guilt. “I didn’t know what to do.”

“Still you didn’t need to be this.. Bothered.”

“How can I not?” Joohyun said, giving her a look. “You’re my best friend.”

Are all best friends like this? Seulgi considered Joohyun and Seungwan as her closest friends. But why does it all feel so different? Is it because Joohyun and Seungwan are the complete opposites? Or is it because Joohyun was older than Seungwan?

It was all too confusing. It was the hardest to figure out why she could feel the blood rushing in her ears including her flushed cheeks even though it was cold enough for a white fog to escape between her lips as she breathed.

But she had to stop thinking when she noticed Joohyun shivering. She took off her plaid shirt as she went down a few steps to sit next to her.

Joohyun gingerly took off her backpack and wrapped the shirt around her. Out of habit, she balled her hand into a fist as she put it closer to her nose, smelling the sleeve as she always did ever since they were kids.

“What’s that?” Seulgi pointed at the paper bag on her lap and Joohyun looked down as if she’d just realized it was there all along.

“Oh, well I wanted to keep my words of wanting to try out a burger from that new place near here.” She smiled awkwardly. “I didn’t want to break this promise at least.”

“..I’m sorry,” Seulgi said with a sniff. “I shouldn’t have said that. I know you’re stressed and all about high school so I should have said that it was okay-”

“No,” Joohyun said firmly. “You have every right to be upset. I feel terrible about it since I would have felt the same.”

“..Things really are changing, aren’t they?”

“Yeah,” Joohyun admitted, her voice slightly faltering. “They are but.. I don’t know I kept thinking how I’m changing while you’re still the same. I felt like this is changing because of me and not in a good way.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“That’s what I thought at first.” Joohyun shook her head. “But now that feels like an excuse. And I can’t help but think maybe I’m taking you for granted.”

They sat in silence for a while, listening to the faint sounds of dogs barking and cars engine sound getting fainter.

“I often wished I wasn’t so young,” Seulgi spoke up. “Maybe if I was the same age as you maybe I would have understood more. I don’t want to act like kids my age because I want to be a good friend to you first.”

She stared down at her sneakers, realizing she wasn’t even wearing her socks.

“I was so excited when I got my uniform today, you know? Because I kept thinking how much different we are when you went to middle school while I was still in elementary school.”

Seulgi could feel Joohyun’s gaze on her and yet she couldn’t bring herself to meet Joohyun’s eyes. It felt like she was getting smaller and smaller until even the streetlight above her couldn’t catch her shadow.

“I want to be the person you can rely on, really. That’s what best friends are for, right?”

She didn’t understand why she felt so nervous all of the sudden. It was her first time telling Joohyun what she’d been feeling over the past few years since Joohyun graduated elementary school. And Joohyun looking at her without a word didn’t ease her heart hammering her ribcage.

“I do rely on you.” Joohyun spoke up just when they heard the faint sound of a car honking. “Much more than you think.”

Being a person of few words, it took Joohyun a while to continue. Her lips parted then pursed a few times and Seulgi waited patiently, pretending to be interested in the colorful dots of city lights far away.

“Even when I do have friends my age, I always feel like you understand me the most. I don’t know if that’s because we’ve known each other almost forever but I often wondered why. Because I was afraid it would change if I don’t know why since everything was changing so fast.”

She gave Seulgi a faint smile.

“I honestly still don’t know. We go to different schools so I was worried that might change something but it didn’t for me. Maybe it’s because you always try to spend time with me. And I rely on that very much because it’s.. comforting that someone is waiting for me even when things change.”

Seulgi sheepishly shrugged. “It’s not a big deal really..”

“But it is. And I think I took that for granted. So I want to apologize for that but.. I do think you are and always will be my best friend.”

“..At least we have one thing in common.” Seulgi jokingly said and Joohyun laughed softly. Just enough for only the person next to her to hear it. Those trivial actions of affection were always endearing even though Seulgi would never admit that out loud.

“So do you want to try this burger? I figured you already had dinner so I bought one so that we can share. You know, just like when you shared it with me?”

Yes, Seulgi would always silently admire Joohyun’s gestures of affection.

“Sure. But aren’t you hungry?”

“I think half a burger has enough calories,” Joohyun said with a playful grin. “Besides, seeing you eat always makes me feel full myself.”

“Um.. Thank you?”

“You’re most certainly welcome.” Joohyun handed her half a burger. “It’s gotten cold though.”

“It’s okay,” Seulgi reassured her, seeing the regret painted on her face. “Doesn’t make it any less delicious for me.”

She ate as toothsomely as she could to prove her point. Seulgi honestly didn’t need to try that hard because she was indeed hungry.

“You remember when we used to play here when we got tired of playing at the playground?”

“Of course I remember,” Seulgi answered as she took another bite of the delicious burger. “We invented all kinds of games. Seeing who reaches the front gate first by race or rock, paper, scissors. We stopped the racing when you scratched your knee after you tripped-”

“Hey, not everyone is a good runner.”

“And yet you still wanted to win.” Seulgi pointed out and Joohyun laughed, a little louder this time.

“That’s true. I hate losing.”

“And you are stubborn.”

“Is this your way of getting revenge?” Joohyun said, pretending to be offended but her lips twitched in amusement.

“Maybe. Maybe not.”

“I want my burger back.”

“Already gone,” Seulgi said as she gulped the last bite. “Shame.”

“You’re annoying.”

“I know I am.”

“More annoying than usual.”

“That’s my charm.”

“If you say so.” Joohyun snorted but her smile didn’t fade. “Thanks for being my friend even though I hate losing and so stubborn.”

“You’re most welcome.”

For a moment time seemed to slow down. Her hands still smelled like the burger and she could still hear dogs barking and cars’ engines faintly roaring. However, everything besides them seemed to be left in the background.

“I honestly don’t know when we will be able to go to Pohang together,” Joohyun admitted, and seeing how heavy her backpack looked, Seulgi wasn’t sure either.

“But I do want to go there. I want my first time there to be with you so I want to promise that.”

She looked a little anxious as if she was still feared a bit that Seulgi might not trust her promises. Her held-out pinky quivered a little as she looked at the younger half with hope and the other concern.

But Seulgi doubted that would ever happen. In the end, she would want to trust Joohyun. Even if there would come a time when she couldn’t.

“It’s a promise,” Seulgi said, linking her pinky to Joohyun’s. Just like old times.

It almost felt like they were back in time. And Seulgi hoped that wouldn’t change. At least for now.


	2. Chapter 2 (Seulgi)

**2.**

Something changed when it came a time that Seulgi had to put on that yellow uniform. And Joohyun too who had to wear a dark navy uniform.

It was hard to get used to not seeing Joohyun after school and in the evening. But thanks to the phone she got after her graduation, Seulgi was able to text Joohyun whenever she wanted. And since Joohyun didn't hand in her phone at school Seulgi carried her phone almost everywhere.

(She'd even reach out for her phone whenever she heard it vibrating during the shower.)

And just when she got tired of staring at those black words on the screen, imagining Joohyun's voice, Joohyun would come back with a small suitcase just big enough for her to stay during the weekend.

And Joohyun always seemed to be more relaxed whenever she came back home.

Wanting to be the first person who greets her, Seulgi always sat on the stairs right after dinner, constantly looking down at her phone which shows her the time that oddly seems to pass slower.

And right now, Seulgi was trying to pass time by counting how many pink petals there were on the pavement.

"Did I count that?" The bored girl mumbled to herself, staring down at the petal right next to her sneaker. "I think I did..."

"It's a pity you seem to be more interested in the ground rather than the person standing right in front of you."

Seulgi immediately tore her gaze away from the gray pavement and there she was, in her dark blue uniform and a small purple suitcase.

"Am I that much of a boring sight to see?" Joohyun asked with a small grin and the stunned girl managed to stand up, with her mouth wide open.

"Unnie! I thought you were coming tomorrow!"

Joohyun lightly shrugged, her playful smile still evident. "I wanted to surprise you."

"You sure did," Seulgi said as she naturally reached out for the suitcase.

"Why were you here if you thought I wasn't coming?" Joohyun asked curiously. "Are you waiting for someone else now?"

"No!" Seulgi strongly denied and lifted the suitcase with a grunt. "Of course not. It's just.. a habit."

"A habit?"

Seulgi gave Joohyun a look because her teasing tone seemed more annoying than usual.

"Yes. A habit. And besides, it's less boring when I'm outside."

Joohyun hummed in reply which made Seulgi roll her eyes.

"Do private schools teach students how to be more annoying?"

"Nope. I'm a natural."

"I don't think that's a good thing."

"It actually is. Teasing you is always fun."

"Geez, never knew high school can be that boring."

Joohyun didn't reply to that comment which made Seulgi stop and turn around.

"Unnie?"

There were only a few steps between them but it was hard to make out what the older girl was thinking. As if her mind had drifted further away than just a few steps.

"Sorry, I think I'm just tired," Joohyun said and let out a yawn.

But even Seulgi could tell it was fake.

"I think I should take a nap first."

On the other hand, Seulgi also knew Joohyun was as stubborn as a bull. And she did look quite tired from the long bus ride so she reluctantly nodded.

"Sure."

And Seulgi waited on the stairs again after dinner.

But Joohyun didn't come back.

Joohyun seemed to be in a better mood the next day.

She apologized after knocking on Seulgi's door, explaining that she overslept and ended up waking up at 10 pm so Seulgi forgave her. She was mostly just relieved Joohyun was okay. Or was she really?

While Seulgi was deep in thought, trying to find out a way to cheer Joohyun up or at least convince her to tell what's bothering her, Joohyun looked around her room as if it was her first time seeing it.

"It's funny how your room seems to change but stay the same at the same time," Joohyun spoke up as she picked up the teddy bear Seulgi had since she was four.

"Well, I didn't change."

"I doubt that." Joohyun put the bear back to its place and turned to the younger girl perched on the bed. "I noticed that you grew taller."

Seulgi's eyes widened, almost forgetting her concerns. "Really?"

"Yeah. I think you're taller than me now."

Excited, the younger girl hopped out of bed, standing straight as a ruler.

"Let's see if that's true!"

Joohyun scowled, not liking the idea. "Hey, I carry that heavy bag that weighs a ton every day and I'm more than sure I got shorter because of it. It's not fair!"

"Aw, come on unnie! We were always the same height when we were kids so I want to know if that finally changed!"

Joohyun crossed her arms, looking a little offended.

"Do you want that to change?"

Seulgi gave her a puzzled look, not sure why she seemed a little upset.

"Um.. Is that a bad thing?"

It was confusing how a million thoughts seem to cross in Joohyun's eyes and Seulgi was just standing there, dumbfounded.

"Nevermind."

Before Seulgi could ask what's wrong, Joohyun stepped closer to her making the younger automatically purse her lips.

Joohyun was standing close enough for her to smell her shampoo. It engulfs her along with the warmth from their closeness and Seulgi's eyes darted around, looking everywhere but the girl standing in front of her.

"You really are taller than me," Joohyun mumbled quietly, trying to measure her height compared to the younger one using her hand. And her hand landed inches below Seulgi's eyes.

Seulgi kept her lips pursed and when more than a few seconds passed by and Joohyun still didn't retreat her hand, just staring at her lips and nose Seulgi could feel her palms sweating. And for the love of God, she hoped Joohyun wasn't close enough to hear her heart thumping madly while holding her breath.

Seulgi let out a small, relieved sigh when Joohyun finally removed her hand a few seconds after.

"Hopefully you grow before your growing pains stop like me."

Joohyun's voice was gently teasing and a smile played on Seulgi's lips.

"Maybe you should sit next to the sunflowers and count up to one hundred like I did."

She couldn't help but feel pleased when a laugh bubbled out the older's throat.

"I miss those days," Joohyun admitted. "I miss being an oblivious child."

Noticing the wistful look in her eyes, Seulgi's concerns returned.

Was this the right time to ask if something's wrong?

"Do you want to go outside?" Joohyun suddenly asked, interrupting her thoughts and Seulgi's frown only grew.

She opened her mouth, ready to ask a question, but closed it eventually.

Because she had known Joohyun long enough to know if she wanted to talk or not. And now it seemed like Joohyun could use some distraction first.

"Sure."

So they spent the next hour walking around. And even though everything looked pretty much the same in Seulgi's eyes, Joohyun seemed to marvel at every small change.

"It's weird to see how everything is slightly changing," Joohyun said, her sneakers lightly leaving the ground with a squeak as she walked that almost seemed like a skip.

And Seulgi, who was walking a few feet behind her, shrugged at that statement.

"It still looks the same to me."

"Does it?" Joohyun laughed to herself. "Maybe I just forgot some parts of it then."

"Studying really does affect your memory files, huh?" Seulgi jokingly said and soon cursed to herself, knowing it's not lightening the mood at all.

"I guess it does," Joohyun replied after a short pause. "I went there because I wanted to get into a prestigious college. And to do whatever I want. I thought that was the right method."

Her pace slowed down and Seulgi found herself doing the same. Almost done walking around, Seulgi could see a glimpse of Joohyun's front door. But they stood right beside the streetlight which was off and a small naked tree with only a few cherry blossoms left.

“What is it that you want to do?” Seulgi asked, hoping that would be a clue to find out what's wrong.

Joohyun smiled at that question as if she knew the exact answer.

“I want to tell people important stuff! Politics, sports, and society everything!”

She dramatically spread out her arms, letting out a giggle that had an awkward pitch. And Seulgi couldn't help but frown slightly in disapproval.

“Why? I think you’ll be the kind of person who does important stuff.”

“Maybe. But I want to prepare first.”

“Prepare?”

“Yep.” Joohyun lowered her arms, her smile still there but a little faint. “So the world won’t slap my face with surprises. I want to know first before it decides to change.”

Even though Joohyun's hand stretched out to remove the fallen cherry blossom petal on her hair was distracting, Seulgi managed to finally ask ;

"..Unnie, what's wrong?"

Joohyun opened her mouth and Seulgi shook her head, sending a silent message she won't take 'Nothing' as an answer.

The older closed her mouth at that. And spent the next few seconds pondering her answer while Seulgi tried to patiently wait.

"I just missed home." She said, her smile now gone. "And I keep wondering if I made the wrong choice because it feels like I'm going the hard way when things could have gotten easier."

Then Joohyun looked down, suddenly finding the fallen petals stuck on the pavement interesting.

"I'll figure it out. I can transfer to another school here if I want to so don't worry."

It would be a lie if Seulgi said she didn't feel a bit happy at that statement. If Joohyun would be happier here, attending school nearby wasn't that the best solution?

"..Okay."

But seeing Joohyun's expression it felt more complicated than that. And it frustrated her because this was one of those moments when she realized that she was indeed younger and oblivious than Joohyun.

Would she'd been able to understand Joohyun better and maybe even comfort her better if she was older?

It was hard to swallow that thought down. But she decided to save it for later because right now, there was one thing she could do to cheer Joohyun up.

She decided to enjoy the warmth as she gave Joohyun a hug. They rarely did it ever since elementary school but still, it looked like Joohyun needed it.

And Seulgi couldn't help but feel pleased by how Joohyun could place her face on her shoulder now.

Of course, there were times when she couldn't help but feel down too.

And since she was a bad liar, Seulgi had no choice but to neglect Joohyun's messages until she felt better. To make the matters worse, Joohyun wasn't able to come back as she did in her first year of high school.

Seulgi had secretly wished Joohyun would decide to come back and transfer to another school but Joohyun seemed to have made up her mind to stay.

She wasn't able to ask her directly but seeing how Joohyun didn't even come home for two weeks straight, the younger thought that maybe Joohyun came to like that place away from home.

Needless to say, it was disappointing.

It was an endless cycle of feeling upset and then feeling guilty because it was a good thing Joohyun was happy there.

But why did she have to be happier there?

Maybe this was affecting her more than she needed. Because even Sooyoung started to peek in her room whenever she skipped dinner.

Shocking, she knew.

And this was another day of skipping dinner, not replying to Joohyun's text for over more than a day on a typical Friday evening.

With her phone somewhere beneath her pillow, Seulgi closed her eyes when she felt it buzz again.

She groaned when it buzzed the second time and was almost ready to turn off her phone and maybe drift off to sleep. But before she could consider doing it despite her laziness, she heard a knock.

“What?”

Sooyoung peeked in, swiftly looked around the room, and grinned when she met her sister’s glare.

“Someone’s in a bad mood.”

“I thought the post-it-note that reads ‘Do not disturb’ sends a clear message.”

“It does. But something happened outside.”

Seulgi furrowed her brow. “And?”

“And you’ll spy with your little eye.. Something yellow.. That came from far, far away.”

“..Prince charming?”

Sooyoung shrugged. “Pretty similar.”

Seulgi scowled, not finding this game entertaining at all.

“Just tell me, unnie.”

“Go outside and you’ll get your answer.”

“Mean,” Seulgi muttered because Sooyoung knew her too well - never being able to ignore what made her curious.

But of course, she ended up walking toward the front door. Looking around, there seemed to be everything except something yellow.

Seulgi shivered, feeling that it was somewhere between summer and autumn judging by how the night seemed to get chillier.

Just when she was about to consider if she should go get a jacket, the streetlight lit up. And Seulgi felt the lightbulb in her head lit up at the same time.

She curiously inspected the streetlight, reading every flyer sheet stuck on it hoping for a secret code to crack but there seemed to be none.

“This would have been so much easier if she just told me.” She muttered to herself, quickly losing interest.

“I wanted it to be a surprise.”

Seulgi spun around too quickly at that familiar voice that she almost lost her balance.

And as soon as she saw Joohyun, wearing the same yellow uniform as hers, she couldn’t keep her mouth shut.

Then the weirdest thing happened.

A shudder that was too warm to be a chill went through her spine, spread to her chest and she could feel constant drumming of her heart that only got louder in her ears.

It wasn’t even her first time seeing Joohyun in that uniform. Heck, she’d seen that for 3 years.

This time was different for some reason. And Seulgi had to take a step back as Joohyun took one step closer.

“Sooyoung told me you were pretty moody these days. And you've been avoiding my texts so,” Joohyun had a determined glint in her eyes. “Until today ends, I’m your friend. Not unnie, not even Baechu unnie. I’m your friend Bae Joohyun.”

It took three deep breaths for Seulgi to pretend she wasn’t overwhelmed.

“..You scared me.”

“Then I’m sorry for scaring a few days off your life.” Joohyun said playfully and from how awkwardly she was standing and fiddling with her sleeve, Seulgi could tellshe was a little embarrassed.

“I thought you had a test coming up.”

“It can wait. I wasn’t up for math that much anyway.”

“Oh.. I see.”

“So, Sooyoung told me-” She cleared her throat. “I mean, Sooyoung  _ unnie _ told me you didn’t have dinner yet. Would my friend like to go have tteokbokki with me?”

Clearly seeing how Joohyun cringed at the word ‘Sooyoung unnie’, it was hard to keep a straight face. Seulgi couldn’t help but find that endearing even.

“You seem to crave for tteokbokki more and more.”

“Spicy food helps me handle stress,” Joohyun stated as if it’s a fact. “But then again I did have it yesterday so..”

“Hamburger?” They said in unison and both giggled without knowing why.

It only made Seulgi realize how much she missed this. And that was soon followed by the thought that she will miss this moment too someday.

So what could she do about that?

Seulgi thought about the answer as she walked with Joohyun side by side, talking about the most random things that were oddly never meaningless at least to her.

Maybe it was because that came with her smile, her giggle when Seulgi was lucky enough, and sometimes her endearing honesty.

“I’m glad I came back today. I missed this.”

What could she do with the moments she knew she would miss?

And deep down, Seulgi did know the answer.

“I missed you too.”

Enjoy.

Even that strange flutter blossoming inside when Joohyun looked at her without a word but with a shy smile.

“I was a little worried about coming back, honestly.”

Joohyun confessed as Seulgi sat down holding the tray with two burgers and french fries.

“How come?”

“I’ve been.. Getting homesick a lot lately.” Joohyun replied. “I thought maybe by now I’ll be used to it but I don’t think I am if I’m being 100% honest.”

Seulgi frowned, leaving the food untouched.

“Is that why you haven’t been coming home lately?”

“Partly,” Joohyun admitted. “And I felt so pressured about everything I didn’t think a 2 hour bus ride home would help.”

Seulgi slowly nodded, her disappointment partly replaced with concern now. She even felt ashamed because Joohyun did tell her how the school was stressing her out and that she missed home. And here Seulgi thought Joohyun was just saying the latter to make her feel better. What kind of moron was she?

“I’m sorry if you came here because of me,” Seulgi said, regret all over her tone which made Joohyun shake her head.

“Don’t apologize. I’m not here for that.” She gave her the same comforting smile when Seulgi had got a small scratch on the knee after she tripped on the stairs.

As always, it never failed to give comfort. And Seulgi couldn’t help but smile a little at that.

“Hopefully this burger is worth your 2 hour bus ride.”

“Don’t worry, it’s already worth it.” Joohyun grinned. “Who would have thought I would ever wear this mustard-colored uniform again?”

“Why did you wear that again?”

“Because,” Joohyun put down the burger and placed her fists on her hip, imitating a superhero.

“I wanted you to be more comfortable with me.”

Seulgi gave the determined girl a puzzled look. “But I am comfortable with you.”

“So is that why you barely reply to my texts these days?”

Seulgi grimaced. She couldn’t possibly tell her the reason, especially now when she was the one who was at fault. And she did not want to remind Joohyun that she was indeed a childish girl who didn’t know any better.

“Um.. I’ve been busy too.”

Joohyun tilted her head, giving her a questioning look.

“No offense but.. Busy because of what?”

Seulgi paused, pretending to be busy chewing while trying to think of a decent answer.

“I’ve been busy because…”

“Because?”

“Because I had to think about which school I should attend after I graduate.”

For once, Seulgi felt proud of herself for giving a decent excuse. And Joohyun seemed to buy it even.

“So you’re not going to attend the school I went to this time?” She said jokingly and Seulgi snorted.

“Please. I went to this school because I thought the uniform was pretty.”

“Gee, I wonder who made you think that way.”

“Didn’t you hear what I just said? I said  _ the uniform _ was pretty.”

“You did look cute in that uniform though.“ Joohyun said with a light chuckle, failing to catch the girl’s cheeks blushing a profuse pink. “And I had to think twice before wearing mine because I felt so old.”

“You’re not that old. You’re only 3 years older than me.” Seulgi pointed out but the older just sighed.

“But after three months I’ll be preparing for the CSAT and after that..” She hesitated. “After that, I’m going to be an adult. Legally.”

Considering that, time seemed to be passing by too fast for them.

If only time could go at least a little slower would things get less overwhelming for them?

“I sometimes wonder though, how things would have been like if I was born 2 years later and you a year earlier.”

In all honesty, Seulgi had been thinking the same thing. And she didn’t know how to feel about that.

“It would be nice to call you just Joohyun and not Joohyun unnie.” The younger said playfully, trying to light up the mood.

“Well, you can call me Joohyun now.” And she seemed to really mean it. “I’m going to pretend I attend the same school as you, at least as of now. So since you said you’re thinking which school to attend let’s talk about that.”

“You’re trying too hard.”

“If you know that, then play along Seulgi-ya.” A smile played on her lips and Seulgi squirmed a little.

“It feels so weird though to call you… other than unnie.”

“It’s just one word though.”

“Sooyoung unnie gets mad when I don’t call her unnie and only by her name.”

“I’m not Sooyoung so I won’t get mad.”

Seulgi pursed her lips, knowing how stubborn Joohyun could be once she’d made up her mind. She opened then closed her mouth a few times because it was so hard. Too hard. Was it supposed to be this hard?

She’d been calling Joohyun ‘unnie’ for over ten years now so who would have known this time would come?

“..I can’t. I just can’t.”

“Come on, Seul! This may be your one and only chance.”

“I don’t need that kind of chance!” Seulgi squeaked, her voice getting a bit shrill that she had to reach out for the coke.

“You said I don’t look that old. And I’m wearing the same uniform as yours so what’s the problem?”

“.......”

She could hear blood roaring in her ears. Joohyun was like a second sister to her, and that was the main reason why Joohyun was so special to her. Even though she already had an older sister and even a best friend who was the same age as her, Joohyun was different. She was somehow both.

But then again, she somehow wasn’t for some reason.

Joohyun never locked an arm around her neck like Sooyoung when they fought. They hardly ever fought and while she could steal Sooyoung’s ice cream, she only thought of buying one for Joohyun.

But they didn’t go to school together as she and Seungwan did. Of course, they did talk about the most random things and Seulgi cherished their friendship as much as what she and Joohyun had but still, it felt different.

She was more careful when it came to Joohyun. And she couldn’t put a finger on why.

“Seulgi?”

Waking up from her thoughts, Seulgi vaguely shook her head.

“Sorry, unnie. I can’t. I don’t know why, but I just can’t.”

“That’s okay. I didn’t mean to force you.” Joohyun turned her attention to her drink, dipping a straw and then spinning it round and round the transparent liquid.

“So then what are your options so far?”

Seulgi blinked. Options. The word suddenly made her decision sound important which she wasn’t so thrilled about.

“I could go to the nearest high school from home or attend arts high school.”

“Did you talk to your parents about it?”

“Not yet,” Seulgi replied, suddenly feeling a little uncomfortable. “I wanted to make up my mind first before telling them because none of my family members attended art school before.”

Joohyun nodded. “That makes sense. I wish I can help but.. I didn’t know you were thinking about going to art school.”

“Me neither.” Seulgi laughed to herself. “I mean, I thought drawing was a hobby but.. I couldn’t help but.. At least imagine how it could be more than just a hobby.”

“I hope you’ll end up making the right decision.”

Joohyu said that in a wistful tone as if she did the opposite and there was no way of escaping it.

“..Do you regret your decision?”

And Seulgi immediately regretted asking because Joohyun’s smile completely faded. That was when Seulgi could finally make out those dark circles in her eyes and how exhausted she looked.

“Unnie.” She placed her hand on top of the troubled girl’s hand. Her thumb gently running the back of her hand. Another thing she did since they were kids. “What’s wrong? I know there’s something wrong so please tell me.”

“It’s not that big of a deal-”

“Unnie.” Seulgi said, this time more firmly.

“Tell me.”

Joohyun started to fidget nervously, her gaze trailing down to her burger.

“There’s nothing to tell really. I’m just.. Having a hard time getting things done.. And I still get homesick and I often get worried because of the thought that my grades won’t be enough to attend the college that I want.”

She gave Seulgi’s hand a reassuring squeeze and a tight smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“It’s what all girls my age worry about. So don’t worry. Everyone manages to get through it in the end so I’ll be able to do the same.”

And Seulgi honestly wished she could be anyone else but her. Sooyoung would understand because she was the same age as Joohyun, Seungwan would be able to cheer her up with her usual positive thoughts and words. Heck, even her mom would be able to help Joohyun because she was raising a daughter in high school.

She did her best to leave that thought behind as Joohyun changed the subject. But it followed her like her own shadow on their way home.

And that was somehow the happiest and yet the most miserable day of her life.

Nothing much changed, what only changed was that Seulgi had to turn around every time Joohyun made her blush. It was somehow a miracle Joohyun didn’t seem to notice.

But others sure did. Including her other best friend.

“So, when are you going to confess to Joohyun unnie?”

Seungwan, who had her heavy backpack slung on one shoulder, asked on their way home.

It was already their last year in middle school, and time seemed to be slipping away so fast judging by how it’s August already.

"She's my best friend." Seulgi replied, her voice almost getting drowned by the wailing cicadas looking for their mate.

"No, I'M your best friend."

"Someone's possessive," Seulgi said in a teasing tone.

"No that's not what I meant!" Seungwan strongly denied, almost ready to pull out her hair in frustration. "What I mean is, Joohyun unnie is different. I think she's more than your best friend."

"..What makes you say that?"

Seungwan gave her a look that made Seulgi become more interested in the several stores lined up on the streets.

“Are you seriously gonna ask me that?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Fine, act like you’re innocent but I know there’s something going on.”

“There’s nothing going on. Joohyun unnie is busy because there’s only less than a week left until CSAT and I’m trying to figure out which high school I should attend.”

“You still haven’t made up your mind?”

Seulgi rolled her eyes. “It’s not the kind of decision I can make within a week.”

“Well, you better should. I made up my mind three days ago.” Seungwan said with a shrug which made Seulgi stop in her tracks.

“You’re not going to Busan Girls’ high school?”

Seungwan turned around, giving her friend a sheepish smile.

“I’ve actually decided to attend foreign language high school.”

“So are you leaving here too?”

“No, of course not.” Seungwan furrowed her brow in concern. “I’m going to take the bus. We just.. Won’t go to the same school anymore.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?” Seulgi said, sulking even though she knew she was being childish. She couldn’t help it. Everything was changing too fast much to her dismay.

“I’m sorry, Seul. I couldn’t find the right time because well.. You seemed quite distracted.”

“Am not.” Seulgi protested weakly but she knew Seungwan was right. She’d been trying to find a way to cheer both Joohyun and her older sister up while she was having a hard time figuring out which school she wanted to attend.

People older than her would probably laugh because they had gone through more things in life but right now, all that seemed too important to her that she couldn’t even dare to make one mistake.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel like I was too busy with my own problems,” Seulgi said regretfully after a brief silence.

“It’s okay. Since I know how grumpy Sooyoung unnie is these days I don’t blame you.”

“Yesterday she ate all the chocolates the neighbors gave to her.” Seulgi let out a sigh. “And threw up the next morning.”

“Now I can’t wait to go to high school.”

“Do we really need to torture ourselves this much for college?” Seulgi whined miserably. “Why were we born in this country in the first place?”

“Don’t get too pessimistic already.”

“Seriously, can’t we just move to another country? I’m sure anywhere will be better than this hellhole.”

“If you have the money for it, and can handle everything you’ve never experienced before then sure.”

“You’re no fun,” Seulgi grumbled and her friend shook her head.

“Trying to avoid what’s happening won’t do any good. Just like how you’re hiding your obvious feelings.”

“I told you there’s nothing going on! I have no feelings for Joohyun unnie! Why don’t you believe me?”

Seeing her friend just shaking her head again annoyed her. But before Seulgi could say anything about it, she saw a small figure perched on the stairs.

“Baechu unnie!”

Joohyun, who seemed to have been dozing off, raised her head then smiled. It didn’t occur to Seulgi how feeble her smile was as she hurried toward her with Seungwan behind her.

“Why are you here on a Friday afternoon?”

“We barely have lessons these days.” Joohyun explained as she stood up, dusting off her skirt. “And I wasn’t feeling very well so the teacher let me leave early.”

“You’re not feeling well?” Seulgi could feel panic rising up and Joohyun who was a tad taller than Seulgi thanks to the stair, placed her palm on the younger’s head.

“A bit. But I’m much better now so don’t worry.”

“You should go get some rest.” Seungwan, who was next to her flustered friend, said looking almost equally worried. “You look very tired, unnie.”

“Maybe.” Joohyun agreed. “But I didn’t want to do anything so I just stayed here for a while.”

She gave them a small grin. “And I did want to see the look on your faces seeing me at this time.”

“Seulgi sure seems very pleased about that.” Seungwan gently nudged her friend on the elbow and Seulgi tried not to glare at her friend in return.

“So, you two don’t have any homework for today?”

Seungwan put her palm over her chest, feigning an offended look. “We’re not in elementary school anymore, unnie! Do you think we don’t do our homework on time?”

“Well, not you.” The eldest girl glanced at Seulgi and Seulgi could feel another blush creeping up to her neck.

“I do my homework well now!”

“Remember when Seulgi tried to trick you that she had no homework?” Seungwan said, obviously teasing.

“I do,” Joohyun replied with a nod, a giggle bubbling out of her throat. “She was such a terrible liar.”

“She still is,” Seungwan added knowingly, wiggling her eyebrows and Seulgi just wanted to find a hole to crawl into or a hole she could push Seungwan in.

“I’m gonna go home if you two are just going to tease me the rest of the afternoon.” She said through gritted teeth. “I need my nap.”

“I’ll be off then,” Seungwan said with a small wave. “Dad is coming home today so I’ll have to help mom in the kitchen.”

“See you tomorrow!” Seulgi said and Joohyun waved along, bidding goodbye.

When she was sure Seungwan was far enough to not hear them, Seulgi turned around.

“So. How are you really feeling?”

Joohyun just shrugged at that answer. But her smile was still there so Seulgi was relieved.

“It’s always the same concerns, same problems so.. I don’t think they’re worth being mentioned again.”

“That’s true.” Seulgi agreed but still felt a little uneasy. “So.. Do you want distractions?”

“Maybe. I did want to spend proper time with you before the test though.”

“Okay!” Seulgi swore she could hear her brain pumping up ideas. “What do you want to do? Go for a walk?

She could see Joohyun’s lips curling into a playful smile.

“I was thinking more like.. A bus ride and a walk, on the sand.”

Not getting what she said, Seulgi gave her a puzzled look.

“You mean… You want to go to the sandpit?...”

“No silly,” Joohyun straightened her blazer. “I meant the beach! In Haeundae!”

The younger blinked. And then again. And when she finally understood, her eyes widened rounder than ever.

“Haeundae?!”

“You know Haeundae, right?” Joohyun teased but still astonished, Seulgi couldn’t keep her mouth shut.

“...But.. But what about our parents? What about money? Wha-”

“I got it all covered,” Joohyun said proudly. “I didn’t just sit around here all day in this uncomfortable uniform, you know.”

“But I thought you weren’t feeling well..”

“Well, you know the reason for that, right?”

“Right,” Seulgi replied, internally cursing to herself.

“So, shall we get going?”

Why me? Seulgi had wanted to ask. It would be much easier if Joohyun went there with her family, or maybe even Sooyoung and yet she still chose her.

And now, Seulgi was almost scared she might add more meaning to that. Deep enough meaning that would surely make her stay awake at night.

But it was too late to ask when Joohyun grabbed her wrist excitedly, making the girl breathless as she tried to follow her pace getting quicker.

And when she saw a glimpse of the keyring she gave to Joohyun at her high school welcoming ceremony hanging on the older's bag, the question seemed unnecessary.

Of course, the bus ride was exhausting. Even Seulgi dozed off halfway that they almost missed their stop.

But they were here, standing at the sidewalk where they could see the beach right in front of them and Seulgi breathed in the salty air carried by the breeze.

“I can’t believe we’re actually here,” Seulgi mumbled, glancing back to see various kinds of franchise stores and cocktail bars which all seemed pretty crowded.

She then turned her attention back to the older girl who was busy admiring the beach which seemed endless.

“Unnie?” Seulgi called out carefully, searching for any sign of discomfort on her expression. “Are you okay?”

Joohyun finally tore her gaze away from the water and met her eyes.

She smiled so widely, almost as radiant when she came to surprise Seulgi in her yellow uniform, it was blinding despite the murky weather.

“Never been better.”

Seulgi flinched when Joohyun took her hand, giving it an eager pull as she led the way.

“Let’s go dip our feet in the water!”

“What?” Seulgi gulped, almost losing her balance thanks to the sand that was surprisingly deep. “Our feet?”

“Well, we can’t swim obviously, can we?”

Seulgi lost the will to argue as Joohyun determinedly took off her sneakers along with her socks. Her navy skirt fluttered against the breeze but she couldn't seem to care less as she charged her way toward the water.

“Unnie! Be careful!” Seulgi shouted helplessly, still having a hard time taking off her socks as she hopped on one foot.

The breeze seemed to get only stronger as they got closer to the water. Seulgi had to squint her eyes as she held her sneakers on each hand with her socks safely tucked in.

Joohyun, oblivious of her friend struggling, spread out her arms and squealed blissfully as soon as she felt cold water invaded the spot she was standing.

“Unnie!” Seulgi called out again, deciding to abandon her sneakers next to Joohyun’s along the way.

“Seulgi! The water is so cold!”

“I can see that!” Seulgi replied and Joohyun just giggled, stretching out her hand.

“Come stand next to me!”

Seulgi was never a fan of water. There was a reason why she didn’t take swimming class as a kid but still, she liked admiring the beach. Yes, only admiring.

But Joohyun’s stretched out hand made her hard to refuse. There was doubt but she just couldn’t bring herself to say no.

So she took Joohyun’s hand, stepped on Joohyun’s footprints clear on the wet sand, and waited for those doomed waves to come to swallow her whole.

Tightly holding Joohyun’s hand, she closed her eyes tight as the sound of waves grew louder.

But that didn’t help her from squealing in surprise as cold water wrapped around her ankles. The girl jumped back in shock which made Joohyun laugh out loud.

That was when Joohyun’s annoying teasing habit began to surface.

She began to chase Seulgi, determined to get her back in the water and Seulgi ran for dear life, her feet freezing and her hair which was previously tied into a neat bun already a mess.

Seulgi shouted curses Joohyun couldn’t understand and the sand made things more entertaining. They ran around and fell down, laughing like they lost their minds as they chased each other around.

In the end, they were both too worn out; they spent the next half an hour admiring the Gwangan Bridge getting brighter as evening came.

However, the view was too beautiful to resist - the beach equally dark as the sky, the water glimmering beneath the bridge which lit up white and purple. And the LED lights hung around the trees looked like Christmas lights.

So they decided to take a short walk before leaving.

“How was it?”

Seulgi raised an eyebrow at the older’s sudden question.

“It?”

“You told me you wanted to go to Pohang beach because you wanted to see how different it is compared to here,” Joohyun explained and Seulgi slowly nodded at the memory.

“I almost forgot about that.”

“Hopefully this is enough for now.” Joohyun smiled. “At least until I’m done with my test.”

“It’s more than enough.” Seulgi reassured her. “I’m surprised you still remember.”

“Well, at that time you really did want to go to Pohang beach so.. I can’t really forget that look on your face.”

“You know I get excited by the most random things.”

“I do know.” Joohyun agreed. And Seulgi oddly felt pride in her words but she couldn’t grasp why.

“I’m glad we came,” Seulgi said, changing the subject. “You seemed to need it.”

“I did. I really felt..” Joohyun struggled to find the right words. “Released.”

“That sounds.. Oddly frightening.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” Joohyun weakly laughed to herself. “It really felt that way, though.”

“Hopefully you’ll be released after six days.”

“Gosh, I can’t believe there are only six days left,” Joohyun mumbled. “It feels.. Surreal. Like I’ve been preparing for this test since middle school, all because I wanted to attend a good enough college that will help me get a good enough job.”

Knowing that she had the same goal, Seulgi could feel her chest tightening due to pressure. Her parents never pressured her to be the top in her class. They even agreed to let her go to art school if she wanted.

The biggest problem was, it felt like they had only one goal and only one path regardless of what they wanted. It felt like they had to be ‘good enough’ at everything first before they could make their own choices.

“I’m sure that’s not how all people’s lives work.”

“That’s how successful people’s lives work.” Joohyun corrected. “Sure it’s okay if you can’t be good at something but it doesn’t hurt to be.”

Seulgi could only purse her lips in response because she couldn’t argue.

“I want to do well on the CSAT.” Joohyun said grimly. “And I will do well. Because I’m going to pour my all into it.”

But what if that’s not enough? Seulgi had wanted to ask. The question lingered even on their way home but she couldn’t bring herself to ask.

Because she wasn’t sure Joohyun wanted to think of an answer.

The remaining five days passed by so quickly.

Since Joohyun had to take the test at another school near her home, she came back home on Wednesday looking nervous as ever.

And Seulgi slept past midnight for the first time the night before the big test, in case Joohyun needed emotional support or even a hug.

But Joohyun didn't contact her the remaining three days before the test. And all Seulgi could do was to ask Joohyun's father to give the letter she wrote for the older.

"She'll be fine." Joohyun's father had reassured her. "She always gets nervous but ends up with good results because she does her best."

So Seulgi waited. The school would have been a great distraction but since even airplanes stop flying during the CSAT, she could only stay at home staring at her phone hoping for it to buzz.

When Sooyoung had come back home, Seulgi jumped out of bed a little too eagerly.

Her sister was showered with comfort and welcome by their parents and Seulgi was relieved to see her sister telling them that she did her best and that she won't have any regrets about it.

It seemed rude to ask her sister about Joohyun because this was her sister's important day too. But her concern grew when her parents asked if she came home with Joohyun, Sooyoung had just shaken her head.

"We took the test in different classrooms." She had explained. "And when I went to her classroom after she was gone."

Seulgi hoped she was just overreacting. Maybe Joohyun got too excited after the test was over she'd run home. And she could probably be celebrating with her parents right now.

But still, she couldn't swallow down the doubt. And she spent the next half an hour after dinner sitting on the couch with discomfort.

Just when she was about to go to her room and call Joohyun, the doorbell rang.

Before anyone could react, Seulgi scrambled on her feet then raced to the front door.

It was hard to hide her disappointment when she saw Joohyun's father standing in the front door instead of his daughter.

And that uncomfortable feeling on her stomach got worse when she saw his grim expression.

"I'm sorry for the sudden visit." He said carefully. "But I was wondering if Joohyun came here today."

"She didn't." Seulgi's mother answered, peeking her head out the kitchen. "Sooyoung told us she didn't even come home with her."

Mr. Bae's face got paler. "Really?"

"She didn't come home at all?" Seulgi interrupted impatiently.

"No. I just got off work and.. And me and my wife searched everywhere we know but we can't seem to find her. We looked everywhere, her room, the bathroom, the school she went to and even called her high school."

"Is her phone turned off?" Mr. Kang asked, already putting on his thick coat.

"Yes. My wife's trying to call her every five minutes."

"Let's go to the police station first." Mr. Kang said grimly.

"I'll go try to calm Hyunjin then." Mrs. Kang suggested. "Come on, girls. Let's go see Mrs. Bae."

"But I want to go find her too!" Seulgi protested.

"I'm sure your father and Mr. Bae can handle it."

"But-"

"Seulgi." Her mother said firmly. "You're still underage. It's dangerous for you to run around in the evening. We don't want this matter to get worse."

She was on the verge of tears but she had no choice but to follow her mother, knowing she was right.

Sooyoung seemed equally frustrated. They didn't say anything on their way but Seulgi could tell Sooyoung was as much worried as she was.

Her sister raised the volume of the television they weren't watching as Mrs. Bae's crying grew louder. But Seulgi could still hear her mother trying to comfort her.

Running out of her last ounce of patience, she stood up.

"I'm going out for a walk."

"No, you're not," Sooyoung said as firmly as their mother.

"It's just a simple walk. I'll come back after ten minutes."

"Then I'm coming with you."

"Sooyoung-"

"Seul, I know you're going out to find Joohyun." Sooyoung cut her off. "You can't fool me."

"But what about mom?"

"I'll tell her we're going out to buy some snacks."

"Will that work?"

"If we come back soon enough, it will."

And surprisingly, Sooyoung was right. Even though it was mostly because their mother was too busy trying to calm Mrs. Bae down.

"Where are we going to go first?" Sooyoung asked and Seulgi frowned.

"Maybe the burger place? I was thinking maybe she could be at our middle school or elementary school. Or the city library."

Sooyoung let out a sigh. "We won't be able to look all four places within twenty minutes. You brought your phone, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then you go look for Joohyun at the schools," Sooyoung suggested. "I'll go look for her at the burger place and the city library."

Seulgi nodded and didn't waste any time as she sprinted off. Sooyoung shouted at her to be careful and she waved her arm in response, not having even a second to hesitate.

The sky was already pitch black and the air only seemed to get colder as she ran.

Her scarf kept getting lose along the way but her feet didn't stop from running.

Halfway, she eventually took off her scarf, wrapping around her right arm as she raced down the slope.

She almost slipped which made her heart stop for a second. And when Seulgi had to stop running for a minute she realized it was snowing.

The first snow of the year.

"Nice timing," Seulgi grunted, not pleased at all, and blinked furiously as the snowflakes hit her face.

She gave up running but walked at the fastest pace she could muster. The ground was getting more slippery but seeing how her phone hadn't buzzed at all she could tell her sister wasn't having much luck finding Joohyun.

When she finally reached the huge front gate of their elementary school, her eyes searched among the falling snow for any figure sitting or standing.

The playfield was completely empty, the ground slowly being piled with snow. It was too quiet Seulgi felt helpless as she looked around.

But when she chanced a glance on one of the benches right next to a familiar maple tree, there she was.

There she was, looking at her with an unreadable expression, snow on her hair and her backpack nestled right beside her.

Seulgi hurried toward her, feeling relieved and angry at the same time. She was ready to shout why the hell she'd made everyone worry. And how much she was worried that it scared her to death.

But as she got closer, she could see Joohyun's eyes as red as her cheeks. There were tearstains remaining and even now Seulgi could see the tears in the corner of her eyes.

"Unnie.." She weakly called out.

She saw Joohyun's lips quivering and Seulgi hugged her without thinking.

She felt Joohyun shaking in her arms and she knew it wasn't because of the cold.

"I flunked." Joohyun croaked, her voice was barely a whisper. "I ruined it and I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to go home and tell my parents I failed. I just couldn't."

Her voice trembled the more she spoke and Seulgi could only hug her tighter and say :

"It's okay... It's going to be okay."

Even though they both knew it wasn't.

Despite the meltdown, it didn't take long for Joohyun to decide to re-take the CSAT.

She'd even decided to go a cram school that provided dorms for students, which meant she was leaving again after her high school graduation.

Knowing that she needed some space, Seulgi only visited her home on Christmas to give her a gift. And when Sooyoung got accepted to a National University, she kept her distance, not wanting to add salt to the wound.

She found herself being too careful whenever Joohyun messaged her. And she couldn't bring herself to even call because she didn't want Joohyun to notice.

Her concerns about which high school she should attend sure kept her busy. And when she finally decided to go to art school, her parents supported her decision. Seulgi knew she should feel thankful for having supportive parents. But it was somehow oddly more pressuring in a way. And she refrained herself from wondering if Joohyun ever felt the same way.

She didn't see Joohyun until Sooyoung went out for her first drink with her friends the day after New Year's Eve.

Her phone rang right in the middle of her sleep. Seulgi reached out for her phone with her eyes closed and scowled when she saw her sister's name on the screen as she managed to pry her eyes open.

"What?" She snapped. "It's almost midnight, you know. Come home before mom and dad-"

_ "Seulgi-ya-" _

Seulgi's expression immediately changed, quick enough for even herself to be mildly surprised.

"Joohyun unnie?"

_ "Why don't you message me much anymore-" _

It was her first time seeing - no, hearing - Joohyun drunk. And she got up from bed without a second thought.

"Unnie, where are you?"

She knew Joohyun was with her sister. But considering the roaring, chaotic background noises she was pretty sure her older sister was as drunk as she was.

_ "I'm at that bar.. Next to the convenience store right across the burger place.. And you're not answering my question Seulgi.." _

"I'll be right there."

_ "Seulgi-ya.... Answer my question! Please? I want to know..." _

"I'll tell you." She reassured her. "So stay put, okay?"

_ "Put," _ Joohyun repeated wearily.  _ "I'll.. put me down.." _

Seulgi could already imagine Joohyun slumping on the table. Where the hell was the owner of that phone anyway?

"Unnie." She called out, deciding not to hang up to keep the older awake. "Unnie? You still there?"

_ "Of course I am here," _ Joohyun grumbled in distaste.  _ "Are you drunk?" _

"I can't drink, unnie." Seulgi replied, fighting the urge to smile as she hurried down the stairs.

_ "I keep forgetting that." _ She heard Joohyun mumbling.  _ "Why are you younger than me anyway?" _

"Because you were born 3 years earlier than me?" Seulgi replied with a chuckle, running but not too fast so that she wouldn't wheeze.

_ "You're smart. I wish I was that smart." _

"You're the smartest person I've ever met." Seulgi could hear her voice shaking because of the running.

_ "Really?" _

"Yeah." Seulgi slowed down for a moment to catch her breath. "Really."

_ "Seulgi?" _

"I'm here."

_ "I don't want to go to cram school." _

That made Seulgi halt in her tracks, right in front of the burger place. Unlike the dim orange streetlight, the burger place was so bright it almost hurt her eyes.

_ "I wanted to stay here just like old times." _ Joohyun continued drowsily.  _ "I wanted to see you every day like I used to. Not just on the weekends." _

"Unnie-"

_ "I'm doing all this for myself to be happy." _

"......"

_ "But why am I not happy at all? Is this supposed to be this way?" _

"...I don't know."

_ "I know."  _ Seulgi could feel her heart clench when she heard that.  _ "And I hope you don't know at all." _

Joohyun would have no idea Seulgi wished for the opposite. She wanted to understand. If she couldn't give what Joohyun wanted, she wanted to at least understand her fully. Because she couldn't shake off that loneliness stained on her voice. That was partly why she was going there to take her home but now, Seulgi wasn't sure if that would be enough.

"Then what can I possibly do for you?" She found herself asking, her lips moving without consent. She was standing right in front of the door. She could hear people chattering, plates and glasses clattering, even a few empty bottles shattering on the floor.

"I seem to not know anything." Her voice was upset and this time, Seulgi didn't bother to hide it.

"But I just want to know what I can do for you."

Joohyun's silence was loud in her ears. And Seulgi wondered what would happen if she opened the door before she answered.

Even though there was only a thin plastic door between the noise and herself, her pulse was the loudest in her ears. She could feel the blood rushing to her cheeks despite the chilly night, with her only wearing her hoodie and sweatpants.

Just when she was about to call out Joohyun's name again, she froze at the sudden answer.

_ "..Just be here for me. With me." _

Seulgi didn't waste a moment to ask again as she pushed the door open.

She grimaced as the door got slammed open a little too hard. And it surprised her again how it didn't even take three seconds to find Joohyun in the mob of crowds.

And Sooyoung, who seemed to have been just coming out of the toilet, looked at her in a mix of pure awe and shock.

"Seulgi? What are you doing here?"

Trying her best to ignore a lot of people's eyes on her, Seulgi marched up to her sister, quite annoyed.

"I came because Joohyun unnie took your phone and called me in the middle of the night."

Sooyoung looked over to their table and indeed Joohyun was holding her pink phone, staring at them in awe.

Seulgi frowned and scrunched up her nose in distaste seeing a lot of green and dark brown bottles on Joohyun's side of the table.

"How much did she drink anyway?"

"She did seem to outdo herself." Her sister admitted. "But I didn't imagine her stealing my phone to call you. My bad."

"You were about to leave anyway, weren't you?" Seulgi said, giving her a hard look and Sooyoung flinched.

"But-"

"No buts." Seulgi snapped. "Or else I'm going to call dad to drag you out."

"You tattletale!"

Seulgi chose to ignore as she went over to where Joohyun was sitting.

"Unnie," She said with a grim look. "Let's go home."

Joohyun's cheeks were flushed. Her eyes were only half-open and she even rolled up the sleeves of her white shirt even though Seulgi was still shivering.

"I didn't expect you to come that fast."

Her voice was lazy and Seulgi gently took her sister's phone away from her hand, putting it safe in her pocket.

"Well, I came as you wanted. So let's go home."

"But I'm tired." Joohyun whined. "I want to sleep.."

"You should go sleep on your bed, not here."

"But Seulgi-ya-"

"If you're not coming," Seulgi firmly cut her off. "Then I'm leaving."

That sure made the drunk girl upset.

"No! You can't leave!"

"Why can't I?" Seulgi demanded, her hands on each side of her hips. "You woke me up in the middle of the night. I want to go back home to sleep but I came here because of you."

It was hard to maintain her stern attitude when Joohyun pouted, reaching out for her hands and ended up leaning her head on Seulgi's stomach.

And thank god it wasn't on her chest.

"No..." She started to fuss. "Don't go, Seulgi-ya.."

"She really is wasted, isn't she?" Sooyoung said with a snort, unlike her sister who was almost ready to panic because Joohyun looked like she was ready to fall asleep.

"I'm the one who always had to leave here, me." Joohyun slurred, still holding onto Seulgi's waist. "And now you're leaving... Why..."

The older girl sulked and Seulgi couldn't help but remember her making the exact expression about ten years ago.

She turned to her sister who was apparently watching them in amusement.

"Do you have any idea why she is like this?"

Sooyoung shrugged. "She asked me how you were before she got drunk, actually. And even said that she missed you while we drank, like three times so I'm guessing she took my phone because of that."

"...Okay then it's my fault."

"Maybe."

"If you help me get Joohyun unnie back home, I won't tell mom and dad."

"Deal."

Seulgi gave Joohyun's shoulders a gentle squeeze, but enough for the older to drowsily look up.

"Let's go, unnie."

Joohyun blinked lazily, and Seulgi couldn't tell who was the older one now. She almost felt like a mom who woke her daughter taking a nap.

"Together?"

Seulgi pulled the older one up, still holding her hands as if Joohyun was a baby who just learned how to walk.

And she realized again how tall she'd gotten as she matched Joohyun's gaze with a small smile.

"Yeah. Let's go together."

"You gotta be kidding me."

Sooyoung, who was a few feet behind from her sister and her friend, grumbled as she wrapped the coat tight around her lonely embrace.

And yes, Seulgi was struggling to keep Joohyun in balance. But the older kept stumbling, seeing two things instead of one and saying the most random things sure didn't help.

They both had to take a moment, with Joohyun leaning on the streetlight and Seulgi heavily breathing in and out.

"Should we carry her or something?" Sooyoung suggested and Seulgi shook her head.

"I doubt that will work. The stairs are too narrow for three people."

"Maybe I could give her a piggyback ride?"

"Can you do that?"

"Well, I'm much taller than you soo..."

"Good point," Seulgi grumbled. "But be careful."

"No worries, I'm already sober," Sooyoung said as she walked toward her friend. "Thanks to you lovebirds." She added under her breath.

"What?"

"Nothing."

Sooyoung managed to grab Joohyun's wrist but Joohyun slapped her hand away.

"No!"

"I think you embarrassed yourself enough today, Baechu." Sooyoung said, attempting to take her hand again but Joohyun tucked her both hands in her coat pockets.

"Go away, you giant."

It took Sooyoung three long seconds to compose herself and turn to her sister who was trying hard not to laugh.

"Can I smack her?"

"She's your friend too, you know."

"I'm actually not so sure about that now."

"So what should we do now?" Seulgi glanced down at her phone. "Geez, never knew making someone wear their coat would take over ten minutes."

"I swear, I'm never going to drink with Bae Joohyun again."

"But we can't just leave her like that."

"I can." Sooyoung corrected her. "But you can't."

"You don't hate her, do you?"

"Hate is a strong word but if you insist."

"Well, we have to take her home whether we like her or not. We're the ones who dragged her out here."

"Then you'll have to give her a piggyback ride." Sooyoung narrowed her eyes at her friend glued on the streetlight pole. "Since she doesn't want one from a  _ giant. _ "

Seulgi looked at the half-conscious girl in concern.

"I'm not sure if I can do that."

"Seems like there's no other option, sis."

Still, she wasn't sure. And she didn't want to imagine what would happen if she happened to trip on their way up.

It won't be pretty for sure.

"You go home first then." She said, making up her mind. "We only have to go up the stairs anyway and you should at least go change your clothes before mom and dad wake up."

"But what about you two?"

"I'll wait until unnie sobers up."

"But what if she falls asleep?"

"Let's hope that won't happen."

"Fine. But call me if you need help, kay?"

"Night, sis."

She watched her sister go up the stairs as Joohyun managed to sit on the step, her head hung low.

When she had to squint her eyes to see her sister becoming a mere dot, she felt a tug on her sleeve.

"Unnie? You awake now?"

Joohyun sniffed. And seeing how her cheeks are not so flushed anymore(maybe because of the cold), Seulgi sat next to her to keep her awake.

"It's weird seeing you drunk."

"It is?"

Okay, maybe she is still drunk. Her doe eyes showed how genuinely surprised she was and her voice still slurred just a little.

Seulgi couldn't help but smile at that.

"Very."

"I didn't mean to drink.. that much.." Joohyun babbled on. "But when I saw that movie.. I can't remember the title... But I saw the two men get drunk.. And act all stupid and funny.. So I thought.. It would be fun to be them too... Not me literally being a man of course.. Just.. Fun.."

"So, how does it feel? Being drunk?"

"Well..." Joohyun tilted her head. "I feel quite.. lightheaded.. I can't really think much while speaking."

"And?"

Joohyun scrunched up her nose. "And I don't like the taste of alcohol in my mouth."

"Of course you don't. You always hated it even before you had your first taste."

There were only a few times when Joohyun got rebellious.

One was when she sneaked out a bottle of soju during the weekends. Joohyun was a sophomore at that time and Seulgi, who only knew that there was a green bottle filled with alcohol, was terrified when Joohyun had proudly showed it to her.

_ "Have you lost your mind?" _ Seulgi had squeaked in horror.  _ "What if they catch us?" _

_ "Please, dad doesn't have time to drink these days and he won't notice one out of three bottles is gone." _

_ "But-" _

_ "I'm going to be an adult after two years so what's the difference?" _

_ "Um, I don't know. Exactly 730 days?" _

_ "Come on, Seulgi. I'm just going to have one cup of it and no more." _

Much to her dismay, Seulgi had to go to the convenience store to buy paper cups. And when Joohyun had filled hers with a transparent liquid, Seulgi indeed was curious how it tasted.

Never had she tasted anything that bitter. She instantly made a face as soon as the liquid went through her throat and she had to hold herself back from gagging.

Joohyun was doing the same but the only difference was, she was giggling between gags.

Who knew high school would make a person this.. lost.

_ "Have you finally lost your mind?" _

_ "No." _ Joohyun coughed.  _ "I mean, I knew it was going to taste horrible but wow. This really is terrible." _

_ "I can't believe you made me drink this." _

_ "Well, at least now we know we should never drink this wretched thing again." _

Joohyun laughed at the memory.

"And least after you drink about two or three times it doesn't get that bitter."

"That means you're getting drunk, dummy."

"I don't regret it though. Who knows when I will drink again even though I legally can now."

"...Are you really leaving tomorrow?"

"I don't want to," Joohyun admitted. "But what choice do I have?"

"You can study here."

Seulgi knew how foolish that sounded. She barely spent time studying in her room.

"I wish I can at least come back on the weekends like I used to."

"You're coming home on New Year's Day, right?"

Joohyun shook her head. "I don't want to hear my relatives pitying me and my parents. And I probably won't be happy to hear how my cousins went to Seoul or passed the civil servant exams and so on."

Seulgi wished she could argue but Joohyun was right. She didn't want the older to end up alone just like the day when it first snowed.

"So when will you come back?"

"At your birthday, of course."

Seulgi just stared at her, not believing what she heard.

"You're not coming on New Year's Day," She started slowly. "But you're coming on my birthday? Which is only a month away?"

"I wasn't able to come to celebrate with you last year, right?" Joohyun rubbed her eyes. "So I want to celebrate it this year. It's the least I can do."

"..You're not just saying that because you're drunk, right?"

Joohyun laughed. "You don't believe me?"

"I do.. But that sounds.. almost.."

Absurd? Odd? She couldn't quite express in one word.

Was there a word that stands for: 'I can't believe you're coming back just for your friend's birthday while you're abandoning one of the most important events in this country.'?

"Sweet?" Joohyun interrupted her thoughts as she looked sideways at her. Joohyun's cheeks were dusted pink. Probably because of the cold or the alcohol but apparently none of that stopped

She felt lightheaded. Her whole body seemed to heat up as the blood in her veins rushed around regardless of the weather. Her heart beat a moment too fast and it felt like she had lost control over it.

Was this what it's like to be drunk?

But she couldn't help it.

The way she looked at her, those words she uttered without hesitation, even their surroundings with only the streetlight shining down on them,

they all felt like a confession.


End file.
